Tribute to Henny Youngman – King of the One-Liners

10% sex, 90% guilt. I asked, “What do you want?” He said, “A match” “Why didn’t you ask me?” “I don’t talk to strangers.”

Hollywood Jokes

Hotel Jokes

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. The horse turns around and says “Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!”

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him. .

I was walking down the street, and I found a man’s hand in my pocket.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number. There was a little hole in the wall.

A bum came up to me saying, “I haven’t eaten in two days!” I said, “You should force yourself!”

I’m now making a Jewish porno film. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I let her look. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. I lost 100 pounds!”

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

A drunk was in front of a judge. .

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

My horse’s jockey was hitting the horse.

I don’t mind when my horse is left at the post. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says, “Okay, let’s get started.”

Homeless Guys Jokes

I was playing golf.

Another bum told me, “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same!”

Farrah’s dressing room was next to mine. A nail. It’s a little inconvenient; they’re in two separate buildings!

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.

Hollywood called me, asking me, “How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?” I said, “$50,000.” They called back, “How about $20,000?” I said, “I’ll pay it!”

The hotel I’m in has a lovely closet. Just then, two ants climbed on the ball saying, “Let’s get up here fast before we get killed!”

The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!

Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, “Huh.

Drunk Jokes . I don’t mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, “Which way do I go?” But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race .

A bum asked me, “Give me $10 till payday.” I asked, “When’s payday?” He said, “I don’t know, you’re the one who is working!”

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out

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